Looking back and forward

I started this blog (on its original server) four years ago, in the heat of the 2004 presidential contest. In fact, my very first post of any substance covered the Democratic National Convention. I went back to look at some of my old posts from that period. What surprised me the most was how genuinely excited and optimistic I was. I really thought Kerry would win. We all did. It was absolute heartbreak. That's why so many Democrats are afraid to hope this year. We can't be afraid to hope -- that's exactly what Obama's trying to tell us. Fear is what McCain is peddling. There's the potential here to create a big enough gap that they won't be able to fudge the margins and steal the election. A lot has changed since then. I remember crying my eyes out on the phone that night, in total shock and disbelief. I had to tell myself then that the story would end happily, we just weren't at the part of the story we thought we were. We felt like we had come to the end, but we had no idea then what still lay ahead. The war was only a year old, and issues like torture and wiretapping and FEMA and Fannie and Freddie had yet to surface. Now we have one more chance. Compared to last time, this looks so much more climactic and promising. It's only when you arrive at the true summit that the false one looks so unimposing. We have nine days.

I don't remember breaking out the winter coats this early last year, but I can easily say it's the most beautiful fall I've witnessed since my very first season in New Haven. There are so many more maples here, with their translucent vermillion leaves. Every time I look out any window it's like a picture postcard of New England. The air smells like tannins and woodsmoke, and you can even smell the impending cold.

Artificial Christmas trees are more expensive than I'd expected. I'd love to decorate our apartment this year. A residence is not a home until it has a Christmas tree. Speaking of which, I need to remind myself to ask Barbara and Mary about winter vacation. I want to meet my family's new dog.

My next mission is to find out why my paycheck is so much smaller than I expected. I suspect it's timetable-related, but I'd like to understand it.

Instant Karma

Let me tell you about something that happened to me today.

At 8:00 I went to the Extension School commons, where I told my students I'd be holding office hours. The room was empty except for a worker moving tables and white boards away from the center of the room.

"Hi," he said to me very directly. I usually don't like it when strangers greet me, especially when I'm alone at night. I returned the greeting and kept working on the email I was writing to my museum group. I saw him eyeing my laptop, and a few minutes later, he said, "Hey, for a computer like that, where can you buy just the power supplies?" From his accent I guessed that he was Dominican.

"I'm sure you can get it online, or at the Apple Store," I replied. End conversation, please.

"Oh because we just got a computer like that down in the science center, but it's just by itself, and the battery's gonna go dead." As he spoke, he came uncomfortably close to my laptop, examining the power outlet. "But yours is different. Newer I guess."

"Oh...you have the old round power cord?"

"Yeah, that's the one. The G4. I thought it was the same as yours."

"Oh, I don't know if they make that kind anymore at Apple...but I'm sure you could check the internet." I really wanted him to leave. It wasn't that I didn't trust him; as part of the cleaning staff he would have plenty of opportunities to steal. But he was annoying me; I wanted to finish my email and hopefully get around to some noveling.

The man explained how he had seen the cord sold online but only with the laptop, not individually. He said he had been talking to several people trying to get ahold of one. "I was hoping you might have an extra," he said. "But it's not the same as yours. Too bad."

"Yeah, I'm sorry. But keep looking, I'm sure you'll find one."

I returned to my work, hoping he wouldn't bother me anymore. He kept on pushing tables around and showed no sign of going. But after a few minutes of this, something else began to bother me. It couldn't be that hard to get an old power cord, could it? Instinctively I went to eBay, searched for "mac power cord," and there it was, the object of his quest, for $13.

"I found one," I said.

He couldn't believe it. I brought over my laptop to show him.

"Just search eBay - " I explained.

"How do I get there?"

I wrote down the url and the search info for him. He was so happy and didn't seem the least bit embarrassed to not have been familiar with eBay.

"Are you a student here?"

"Actually I'm a teaching fellow."

"Aw, no wonder you're so good with people! You're so nice with people!" He beamed. "But you're a young teacher!"

I smiled and told him I looked younger than I felt.

"Well listen, if you ever need anything you let me know. I'll be here eight to nine every night. You just let me know."

"Thank you."

"Thank you! I can't believe it!"

I felt warm inside from the man's smile. Such a simple thing. I could have just let it go. It wouldn't have been wrong. Someone else would have told him eventually. But that's not what happened.

After he finished his shift, I stretched my legs around the room and noticed a shelf marked "Book Exchange." There, among the magazines, mysteries, and academic tomes, was a mint condition copy of The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay. I couldn't believe it. It was one of those books I'd been meaning to read for ages but had never gotten around to.
Someone else could have taken it at any time, and I'd have left the commons empty handed. But that's not what happened.

Not one student came for help the whole hour I sat in that lounge. But I'll be going back there someday soon -- to put my own book in the Book Exchange. With any luck, Robert will be there to tell me he finally got his power cord.

I know that, had I not helped the stranger, the book still would have been there. I might still have seen it, and I might still have taken it home with me. But that's not what happened. And that's why it doesn't matter whether my kindness caused the book to appear, whether there is karma, or fate, or God. Rather, it's our actions that tie our experiences together and give these things meaning. The book was not the reward for my good deed; my happiness was, and if the book hadn't been there, then I in my happiness would have made the same connection with whatever bit of good luck happened to come my way. Now, whenever I look at that book, I'll remember.

Why does this happen to me

So, through a rapid chain of decisions which I don't entirely understand, I've become in charge of the creation of the altars for the Peabody's Dia de los Muertos celebration.

In fact there are seven of us students making the altars, but since I'm the paid assistant and they're full time students, I'm the leader. Is this terrifying? Yes. But I do think it's about the most perfect thing I could get signed up for. In fact, the epilogue of Bodies in Flight features a Dia de los Muertos altar. What better way to get inspired? I have some confidence this will go well, especially since the Museum has tons of materials and we're enlisting the aid of the Harvard University Mexican Association. But my goodness, the phrase "break up into small groups" sends shivers down my spine.

Again, basically I'm being paid to string up a room with candles, skeletons, and colorful paper. Pretty good deal. I would love, love, love to be helping this. Not necessarily leading it. Eep. O_O

Colin Powell redeems himself and other stories

So Colin Powell endorsed Obama. I'm not surprised. In fact I'm surprised that anyone is still endorsing McCain. Seriously, even David Brooks is disgusted by Sarah Palin. I can't stomach too much election talk at once, but Obama's lead right now actually makes me nervous. It's his race to lose, and if overconfident, complacent liberal kids don't get out and vote because they think he's got it in the bag, we might be in trouble. The sentiments Palin's strring up at her rallies are reprehensible and terrifying. McCain should be ashamed of himself. I wonder what he would have thought if he could have looked into the future in 2000 and seen what he would become.

The power's out at my place, which I guess means I should go outside and enjoy the fresh fall air. It's windy and chilly. I love work, and I'm thinking I want to work in museum conservation, though actually I'd be happy to be an office assistant here forever. It's such a pleasant thing: all the pretty pictures, none of the scholarly responsibility. Matt and Lindsey are drowning in work; the possibilty of enjoying a Saturday just isn't there for them. I'm never going back to that life.

NaNoWriMo is fast approaching, and I'm just now pulling some of the threads of Bodies in Flight together. It's going to be completely different to write this year's book. The thought of having two going at once is kind of dauting, and I can't just put BiF on the shelf because the characters and landscapes are inside me all the time.

I'm going out to get some fall air, trap it in a jar, and keep it on my shelf until the middle of February when I need to remember how to breathe.

Interactive Christmas List 2008

There will be a moratorium on CLOTHES. I have tons of clothes. Too many for my room. I like all of them, and I have at least one of everything I need. I don't even go to thrift stores anymore (my favorite thing ever) because I simply have no room for the clothes I might purchase. Exception: Victoria's Secret giftcard. Don't laugh. I need more simple cotton undies.

UPDATE: Oh, but I LOVE this.

BOOKS:

Comic Book Tattoo - This is perhaps the book I want the most.
Midnight's Children
Blankets
The Graveyard Book
Consider the Lobster, Infinite Jest, or anything else by David Foster Wallace
Crime and Punishment
Beauty and Sadness
Dictionary of Maya Heiroglyphs
Gods and Symbols of Ancient Mexico... - I think I'd rather have this one than the one above it.
A Sourcebook of Nasca Ceramic Iconography

DVD
The Complete Indiana Jones
The Dark Knight

MUSIC:

Rainer Maria: Look Now Again
Bayside Acoustic


There will be more. This list is just the product of one morning surfing Amazon/my brain.

It's colddddd at night

I really like fall. Now that the rain has stopped, I can enjoy the breaking out of coats and sweaters, the varigated trees, the smell of California Christmas. My brain still confuses the two. I was craving candy corn massively yesterday, which reminded me that I need to get my Halloween costume in order. I'm going as an antisocial butterfly, complete with goth getup, earphones, and a book. I have some good filler material for wings, but I need to get wire.

Work in the Peabody has been great so far. I've been photocopying and scanning and organizing photographs of Maya monuments. So far my TAship has been relaxed, but the students (I can't call them kids) have their first assignment due tomorrow, so I'll be a workhorse for a couple of days before my parents come to visit(!).

Everyone else here is suffering under the tremendous workload, which makes me wonder about my recent leanings towards continuing next year. But grad school isn't supposed to be fun, it's about forging a path for yourself so that you can ultimately study what you like the most. As long as I keep that in mind, I should be okay.

Is it too early to start a Christmas list? I really just want books, music, and money. I definitely have too many clothes of all kinds.