Anxiety and Relief

Things don’t look so good for My Chem right now. Though they powered through Bamboozle, it wiped them out and they canceled Portland today. Next up is Tuesday’s show, so unless Monday will be ample recovery time, it looks like we’ll be stuck going Rudy’s, getting wasted and screaming “Helena” in four-part harmony (impressive, considering there are only three of us). That, or working on our papers. But it’s out of our hands. All we can do is hope and wait.

Forgive me for sounding like a self-parody, but I was running in the cemetery this morning (told you), and the most beautiful thing happened. It was rather overcast, and I was running up the path when the sun came out from behind a cloud and painted all the headstones white. The pink and newly green trees glowed. Then, from behind me, a dove with a worm in her mouth came flapping over my head into the tree where presumably her babies were. Suddenly the place felt so alive. It. Was. Divine.

Running in the cemetery is great stress relief. For one, it’s simply one of the prettiest, quietest places on campus, but also, it is full of time. It makes you feel small and young and ephemeral, in the most satisfying, liberating way. All the stonecarved names had little worries like yours once, and now, the world has forgotten those anxieties. Nothing that seems pressing in your life actually matters, because before you know it, you too will be a stonecarved name. And every year for centuries, whitepink blossoms will blow over your bones, and every year green leaves, and then gold, and then snow. The world is breathing calmly all the while. And the names and bones remain, and the spring returns, and the little inconveniences evaporate. In the end they will not stay with you. So why pay attention to them now? Things like spring, like songs, like whitepink trees and sunbeams – those things are the true things, the eternal things. That’s what we go back to in the end. We'd all do well to claim them now.

I am posting semi-daily because I don't want to work

Mmmm shrimp.

FOOT '07 went to The Place, "An Unusual Restaurant" in Guilford. It's outdoors, BYOB and BYOA (appetizers - in this case, Sunchips and double-stuffed Oreos). They've got a great seafood grille and the best corn cobs I've had in my life. It was a little weird being with FOOT leaders again, since I hadn't attended a FOOT event proper all year. I felt a little out of the circle -- not unwanted, or unloved, or even like I necessarily wanted to be in the circle, but out of it nonetheless. Everyone talked about going to Myrtle over dead week, and I was really glad I wasn't going. I'm not the only one. I snagged a copy of the new TUIB CD as well, which is great -- I now have these familiar voices with me forever.

Sitting there at The Place under the lights, I was struck, not for the first time, by the strange meta-sadness of graduation. I felt a little sad to be parting ways with this scene, but I felt even more sad that I didn't feel sadder. I felt like it was ending on a good note, and I was ready to see new things. Ready for Cambridge. Things are changing for all of us. And yet every time I start anew somewhere, I think things are going to be different, and they never are. That's comforting in a way. Learning who we are, and what we can and can't do.

But I am sad. Happy to have experienced everything here to the extent that I desired, and happy to be moving on. But sad too. A beautiful goodbye. And I could wax poetic on it for ages if I didn't have to write this damn paper. I know it will get done. Everything does. And time keeps on going at the same pace even when it doesn't. And spring always comes. Always.

Oh my god...

So MCR and Muse got really bad food poisoning on Monday and canceled their past FIVE tour dates?!? Right up to yesterdays' show! Supposedly tomorrow and Tuesday are still on, but I'm nervous. After ALL THIS hassle and having everything finally come together, what if the show is canceled? And it sounds really serious. I hope they're all okay. Some of them had to go to the hospital, apparently. Even if they're up and running by Tuesday, I'm sure they won't perform quite as well if they've been ill for a week. This is so unfortunate. I'm hoping they can make it. It would be such a letdown not to go...

EDIT: It's been confirmed that MCR have arrived at the Bamboozle festival in NJ, where they're set to headline. And their drummer is out of the hospital, fortunately. I haven't seen anything on Muse and I HOPE they're okay too...seriously. But things are looking up. We'll have to just wait and see.

Oh summer, such a tease...

Went to Lighthouse Point with Elaine and Claire for a Unitarian singalong picnic. It was fantastic. The sun was out and the flowers were in full bloom and the ocean was as blue as heaven. I felt so overwhelmed by the richness of the colors and the softness of the sun, I wanted to melt into the grass or maybe the water and get carried down the long white afternoon towards sweet nothing/evening, or a land without school. As soon as I set foot on campus again I had a headache and an overpowering desire to sleep. But I have a presentation tomorrow for seminar that is going to be a disaster. Oh that class has caused me such woe...if only it hadn't been offered, I could have taken Spanish instead.

Also, found an article that severely weakens, if not disproves, my senior thesis. Good thing the Peabody award committee hadn't read it. ^_^

Owwww....

Get-Paper-Done-Early Week might not have been the best time to quit caffeine.

I was a zombie all day yesterday. Which was fine, because most of campus was drunk. Spring Fling and whatnot. But I had planned on using the less-than-optimal concert lineup as an excuse to do some work (trading the day in for next Tuesday, as it were). Mostly I just lay there with articles in hand, wishing I were asleep.

Speaking of the Fling, though, I did get out to see the first act, The Format. I had checked out their MySpace offerings and wasn't particularly impressed -- they seemed like what would happen if you fused your average alt-pop radio band with the indie quirk of, say, The Shins (who were awesome at '05's Fling), but forgot to mix in anything particularly distinctive. Live, however, they were quite enjoyable. They had a much louder sound than I had expected, and showed considerable vocal talent. The last song they played, the new "Swans," was absolutely beautiful. The singer interjected cute little comments about "what a healthy, active school" this was (in reference to the people all out on the lawn throwing footballs), and Rory Gilmore, who he wished were actually here. He vaguely reminded me of John Reznik from The Goo Goo Dolls. I unfortunately didn't have my camera, but oh well. I skipped Sister Hazel, whose overplayed 1997 hit "All For You" annoys me for no particular reason, and T.I., because hardcore rap's not my thing. I figured I could kill two birds with one stone by way of this impressive mashup. (For the non MySpace-familiar, ignore the webpage and listen).

I certainly am more relaxed without coffee. I've gone from being unable to eat or sleep to unable to stay awake. Wonnnnnnnnderful. It's tempting to get back on it just for the sake of this paper, but I'm hoping that the increased sleep will eventually replace the drug as my brain fuel. We shall see.

I think...I won?

From: ycnh@pantheon.yale.edu
Subject: Greg Yamanaka Senior Essay Prize
Date: April 30, 2007 12:34:37 PM EDT
To: erica.m.larsen@yale.edu

Hi Erica,

On behalf of the Yale Club of New Haven, I am please to invite you and your parents, to join us at the Yale Club of New Haven Scholarship Reception, to be held on, Monday, May 14th at 5:30 p.m. in the Auditorium at the Peabody Museum, 170 Whitney Avenue. At this time your award will be formally announced and you will presented to the Club's membership as a Greg Yamanaka Senior Essay Winner.
_________


Yay! I think I have to share the prize with someone. Oh well, can't complain! They love me, they really love me. <333

The Trouble With Trying To Be More Spontaneous

...is that I suck at planning.

And at dealing with consequences.

Or like, anything. I need to learn how to deal. How I will ever coordinate my own archaeological dig is beyond me.

But things look good for now. One of the two sellers will have my ticket in the mail tomorrow. As for the other pair, I haven't heard back yet. I won't be able to breathe until I have three tickets in my hand and my butt in a car. And maybe some money again. Oh music, why do I do this for you? And seriously, for My Chem. Of all things would-be-ninth-grade. I'm forever 15 and forever in love
with the blood and the rain and the absence above
and I'm writing these words to the tune of a song
that My Chemical Romance was playing all along

And I don't think I meant it -- just typed and it came
All the TUIB fans who know me will think I'm insane
But all love comes in phases it flows and it fades
And right now I'm in need of the blackest parades...

....Okay I ran out of words to go with the tune because the rhythm changes. Hee hee.

I figured out why I like this silly band so much. It's because, as different as the two can be, they're kind of the new Pumpkins. I think I'll blog on that more later.

And Muse, of course, is Radiohead, Jr. Though it's more like they filled the gap that old-school Radiohead left behind when they moved into abstract-art-land. Muse kind of got me through last semester, and My Chem kind of got me through this one. That's why I made the manic impulse purchase when I did, reeling from post-thesis euphoria -- it seemed like fate. But nothing is fate. Everything is human choice, and most of that ill advised.

It will all be so worth it. ^_^

I'm Trying To Be More Spontaneous.

I now have tickets to see Muse open for My Chemical Romance on May 8th. Two of my current favorite bands (no laughing, MCR-bashers). Together. I'm actually even more excited for Muse than MCR, as if that were possible. Muse takes me to a higher realm. MCR will be beyond awesome for the theatrics. Wheeeeee! It's the only time I'll get to see either band in the forseeable future, based on their tour schedules.

My term paper is due the 9th. Guess I'll have to get it in early? How great is that? Then the semester will be over, minus the pass/fail "design an art installation" paper, which is due the 11th. Loads of time. :)

Got a better deal than I expected, too. Score and DOUBLE score! *dances* Plus I have an amazing friend to go with (TRACY, you have gone from my favorite person to my favorite sentient CREATURE) and backup for the 3% chance she can't come. 'Twill be grand, yes.

Hay thar.

Update time. I have been so absent this spring. There are several reasons for this.
(1) Senior project, which is FINISHED, thank you very much.
(2) After moving to Blogger, I just didn't like the layout that I thought I liked. Fixed that.
(3) I talk to my parents on AIM now. How weird is that? So I feel less need to communicate via blog.
(4) I don't really pay attention to the news anymore.

Excuses, excuses. New, less oppressive layout. New, less oppressive life. Though still busy.

NEWS:
1. I am going to Harvard next fall.
2. I am going to Japan, China, and Taiwan this summer.

Classes end this week, supposedly, though my schedule never conforms to that. I managed to convince my art history prof to give us a take-home option for our final in which we design our own art installation based on the works on our final review. How cool is that? Working in a museum would be awesome, I think. MAY 10 is the end of the tunnel. Then dead week. Which is really two weeks. Yes!!!

Stay tuned.

Music Critic = Best Job Ever?

If I someday change my mind about academic research, I found another job that interests me. I want to review music. Or books, movies and shows. But mostly music.

I don't know why I didn't think about this before. I think it's because I stopped listening to new music for awhile a few years back. But I've always adored reading and writing reviews. I guess in today's world the thing to do is to write them online and get a following, then get freelance work, then a real job. So I have to start writing them while I'm in grad school. On a website. I've definitely got the skills and the passion.