Tidings of comfort and joy

~*~*~*~*~Merry Christmas!~*~*~*~*~

It's epiphany day.

When panic grips your body and your heart's a hummingbird,
Raven thoughts blacken your mind 'til you're breathing in reverse,
And all your friends and sedatives mean well but make it worse,
And every reassurance just magnifies the doubt,
Better find yourself a place to level out.

I never thought of running;
My feet just led the way.

Mixed up signals (moving out),
Bullet train (moving out),
Cars are switched out in the crazy rain.
I could meet you any place
If the Brakeman turns my way.

All this automatic writing I have tried to understand
From a psychedelic angel who was tugging on my hand,
It's an infinite coincidence but it doesn't form a plan.
So I'm headed for New England or the Paris of the South,
Gonna find myself somewhere to level out.

I tried to pass for nothing,
But my dreams gave me away.

Mixed up signals (moving out),
Bullet train (moving out),
People snuffed out in the brutal rain,
I could live to any age
If the Brakeman turns my way.

~Bright Eyes, "If the Brakeman Turns My Way," abridged.

Sleighbells ring...

Cambridge will have a white Christmas. On Thursday we had a major storm that left ten inches of beautiful snow all over the brick buildings and the spindly trees. It's almost time for winter break! I finished my last test for Origins of Agriculture on Friday, and the museum exhibit I was organizing for my China class is all set up (and looking fantastic if I do say so myself). I still have a short paper to do by Wednesday, but it's almost done. Unfortunately, I will have to spend Christmas break researching my two term papers, and I have a take-home final when I get back. At Yale I was used to having everything finished before Christmas, so this is kind of annoying, but at least it has made the last couple weeks much less painful than they would have been. In fact, on Yale's schedule I would probably not have been able to go to as many shows this month or do NaNoWriMo. That brings me to my other big project for break: finally digging out Bodies In Flight from its winner-sparkly coffin and EDITING the thing. I'm taking this weekend to get ahead on research so I can relax a little over break, but I did some Christmas shopping yesterday, which was nice. My own Christmas list is still being modified, as I continue to see things I want to own every time I shop for someone else.

I have recently discovered the most delightful webcomic, which I feel clueless for not knowing about earlier. Questionable Content has been running since 2003, and apparently the artist now makes his entire living off of it, which is very rare. It stars a group of twenty-something music geeks, including indie kid Marten and his adorable anthropomorphic computer who wreaks havoc on the side. It also takes place in Massachusetts. The art really was not especially good in the beginning, but now it is quite good and makes me wonder if the artist took classes or just tried harder as his strip became popular. It gives me hope that one day I might be able to make my comic good, though probably not self sufficient.

While flying through the QC archives, I saw an ad link at the bottom of the page labeled "Buddhist Punk Shoes" and was deeply disappointed upon clicking it by the resulting appearance of Zappos, a normal shoe store that looks neither particularly Buddhist nor especially punk. Alas. I was really curious to see how that would work out.

I can't quite fathom that 2007 is coming to a close. I should post a year in review entry at some point. It's certainly been a landmark year in my life, perhaps the biggest since 1999.

My concert agenda for 2008 is already taking shape as Philip snagged tickets to The Bravery in February and I might go see Band of Horses with Tom in January, both at the Paradise Rock Club. Oh goodness, whatever has become of me?

Brand New with Thrice and mewithoutyou at Tsongas Arena, Lowell, 12/9

I go to way too many shows. (Insert "Shoes" video parody here. - I think you have too many shows. -Shut up!) The latest, and the last for the time being, was Brand New with Thrice and mewithoutyou at Tsongas Arena in Lowell, which is about an hour north of Boston. I'd had these tickets since July, and Brand New is one of my favorite bands, so I was really excited. And it was awesome, especially since I love their most recent album, The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me, so incredibly much. This review is going to be a lazy review, which is not proportional to the awesome that was the concert.

Guy and I drove up in a Zipcar and stopped at Friendly's, which is becoming a tradition of ours. It's all about the Honey BBQ Chicken Supermelt. The Tsongas arena was big, and we got there right as they opened the doors thanks to a convenient "detour" (by which I of course don't mean getting lost, certainly not), so we didn't have to wait in the cold.

The show began with mewithoutyou, and I enjoyed their set, but none of the music especially stuck with me. I found their stage presence to be more memorable than the songs themselves. The crowd, which consisted almost exclusively of the more understated subspecies of young emo kids, did not quite know what to make of the bearded, balding lead singer pulling at turns maracas, a trumpet, an accordion, and what I call a "cymbal-stick" out of nowhere to accompany their quirky, classic-rock-inspired indie-core. If the Decemberists liked to scream a lot, it might sound something like this.

After mewithoutyou wrapped up, Thrice burst onto the stage with "The Artist In The Ambulance," their most upbeat, catchy song. It sounded great and also ignited the mosh pit, which we (and everyone around us) really tried to avoid. We managed to get pushed into a relatively movement-free place with a good view, so all was well. Thrice played a number of songs from their new album, The Alchemy Index, a concept album dived between "fire" and "water," themes that pervade both the music and lyrics. "Fire" included some heavy songs like "Firebreather" and the epic singalong "Burn the Fleet," while "Water" featured gorgeous, swirling songs like "The Whaler" and "Drowning in a Digital Sea." I started listening to Thrice relatively recently, so I haven't memorized their whole catalogue and some of the setlist blurred together in my mind. They also played a solid and diverse collection of older songs, which I'm pretty sure included "Silhoutte" and "Stare at the Sun," and "Deadbolt." They finished with the brutal "The Earth Will Shake" from 1995's Vheissu. It was a very hard-rocking set interspersed with some quieter, melancholy tunes. The use of lighting was not the most original -- red and flashing for hard songs and blue and shifting for the soft -- but Thrice occupied that stage with such a strong presence that one would not have guessed that they were openers. Most importantly, Dustin Kensrue's voice was clear and strong above the crowd, and perfectly pitched even in his screams. It was a set that could have headlined its own tour.

Brand New took over half an hour to come out, which was really eating on everyone's nerves. When they did come out, though, all was forgiven. They opened with a jamming version of "Welcome To Bangkok" and launched straight into "Millstone." Both these songs were from The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me, which I think is an absolutely brilliant piece of work, but is significantly slower and darker than their previous, more generic records. This show was unquestionably in the mode of that album, with relatively low lighting, few smiles and no interjected words between songs, and a setlist that included nearly every song from Devil and God along with a clustered selection of older tracks. I noticed right away during "Millstone" that it was hard to hear the band and Jesse above the singing of the crowd, and compared to Thrice, their sound seemed weak even in their loud moments. This continued through "The Archers' Bows Are Broken," which I had been really excited to hear, but was disappointed in live. I was concerned that the rest of the show would be dragged down by the acoustics, but fortunately it only got better and better as the night went on.

"Jesus Christ," the hit of the album, and one of my favorite songs, period, of the past two years, really changed the pace. Unfortunately, the crowd really wanted to sing to this one too, but it was so beautiful, and the music was soft enough to hear Jesse's plaintive voice above the masses. I really connected with him and with the rest of the audience at the crescendoed climax of the song. The melancholia continued with "Me Vs. Maradona Vs. Elvis," which was absolutely gorgeous. They then treated the fans to the first track from their first album, "The Shower Scene," which contrasted sharply with the richer harmonies and deeper themes of the more recent songs, but got everyone up on their feet. Everyone seemed pleasantly surprised to hear "Tautau," the often ignored opening track from Deja Entendu, which was followed by another track off that album, "Okay I Believe You But My Tommy Gun Don't." This song has always been a favorite of mine (I'm a sucker for the soft-loud surprise shift, which Brand New has just been loving lately), and it was perfect, full of tension at the beginning until it finally broke into the chorus. Jesse found a handy and powerful way to sing above the crowd by singing a cool harmony rather than the melody -- and not the same one that guitarist Vincent Accardi was singing -- and it was haunting and made the whole experience feel more personal and real.

After the string of songs from older albums, Brand New returned to Devil and God and stayed there for the rest of the night. "Luca" came next, another quiet falsetto-driven song that unexpectedly roars into agonized wailing midway through. On thing I love about Brand New is how truly emotional their music is, and this song was a great example of how Jesse's anguish really came through on stage. Next came "Handcuffs," which I never really got into on the album, but was beautiful live.

It was in the last five songs, though, that Brand New really, really shone. Part of it was that, in addition to harmonizing, Jesse had incorporated just plain melodic screaming into his vocal improvisation. I mean, of course, screaming that wasn't already in the song as recorded. It was as if the emotion was generated throughout the course of the night, and instead of switching moods, the passion just built up. "Not The Sun" just plain rocks, and the anthemic chorus really felt like a unified moment between the whole of the crowd and the men on the half-lit stage. The four-part "Limousine," a fan favorite, was perfectly executed and culminated in another audience bonding moment with its rising repeating chorus. I realized that if Brand New know how to do anything, it's how to end a song. "Sowing Season," which I had been awaiting, was powerful, veering between quiet, sadly hopeful verses that quote Rudyard Kipling, and desperate, reeling distorted guitar bursts to the single word "Yeah." The soft-loud pattern that never seems to get old continued with the hauntingly harmonized "You Won't Know," whose rocking midsection sent shivers up my spine. The last real song they played was the screamer "Degausser," which seemed designed for shameless crowd singing as the recorded version contains a kids' chorus in the background. It worked wonderfully.

They came back on for an encore, but anyone in the audience who was hoping to get some more singing in would have been disappointed. It was a long jam built around the instrumental "Untitled." The encore really highlighted how different this show was from the type they have put on for previous tours. They passed up the perennial signature "Seventy Times Seven" and their radio hit "The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows," as well as old fan favorites like "Jude Law and A Semester Abroad." Fortunately, the darker, subtler Devil and God is my favorite Brand New album, and although I would have loved an encore of "Seventy Times Seven," those last five songs were so full of raw power that I just got the feeling the band didn't want to be tied down to their old style anymore. I love a band who can really mature and move on from high school romance without selling out or losing their emotive edge. What the concert really made me do was wonder what kind of album Brand New were going to come up with next, and that, of course, is the best way to do a tour.

Random Updates

My Christmas List has been updated, with edits in red.

I have a lot to do this week, but I will eventually have a review of the totally awesome Brand New show from Sunday. It was splendid.

I am craving eggnog like nobody's business.

I'll probably delete this post later. XD

Bayside and the Victory Records Tour at the Middle East Downstairs, 12/6/07

The trouble with winter tours is that waiting outside for the doors to open is kind of a pain when it's 30 degrees outside, and you know that when you get inside you are not going to want the twelve layers of fleece, wool, and down you could have been wearing so you opt for a parka, a tee and some armwarmers and realize too late that you did want that hoodie after all.

But I digress. I arrived at the Middle East, an optional T-stop away, and got in line behind a bunch of semi-obnoxious kids. Oh, the trials of the all-ages show. I noticed right away that the crowd was young, but not unusually so; and consisted of not only the typical sce/mo brigade but also some relatively jock/skaterish looking dudes with baseball caps. I also saw something that I had hitherto not thought possible: a guy in skinny jeans who was sagging. I kid you not. I wanted to hand him a belt until I saw he was already wearing one. Then I just wanted to hand him a sandwich.

The Middle East is a great venue for getting up close and personal, if the acoustics left a little to be desired. A Day To Remember came on first. They made it clear from the get go that this is a genuine hardcore band. The floor, which was not yet quite at full capacity, opened into a genuine pit with genuine hardcore dancing. I just love to watch that. It's better than ninja fights in anime. It's what I imagine electrons doing when they randomly pop up in different places at every instant. I have a hard time getting into hardcore musically, but being there live was awesome. Apparently a sizeable pack of people -- the jockish guys from the line -- had shown up just for ADTR. The rest of the lineup was too "emotive" and not "hxc" enough for them I guess. I overheard a couple of boys saying, "Dude, let's go. I kinda don't want to see the rest of the show." Good riddance if you ask me. This species of fans are a little too much like a sports team for me to want to be wedged in between them for more than an hour. ADTM was pretty fun, though, and played a couple songs I liked the sound of and some rousing covers.

Next up was June, the only act that didn't enthrall me completely. It is too bad, because I think I might really enjoy their style if I had been able to hear the vocals (which were clearly meant to be heard) over the guitars. They played a kind of generic punky pop, sung by a guy who looked like a taller, manlier version of Elijah Wood, and the lead guitarist was bouncy and flaily and vaguely seemed to wish it were the 1970s. He was the best thing about the set, exploding all over the stage and all but hacking into the crowd with his guitar like a hatchet. The sound mixing just killed any personality the songs themselves might have had, but I'll probably check them out online anyway.

My loyalties are forever with Bayside, but I really must say that The Sleeping stole the show. Their brand of progressive screamo was made for live performance. The singer, Doug Robinson, looked like the deranged love child (as if there would be any other kind) of Jack Black and King Kong himself. This is not to say he was bad looking, just something about his large face, shaggy hair, beady wild eyes, and primal energy said cave-man on speed. He stared out at the audience with an intesely manic gaze, standing up on the barrier and practically swinging from the pipe attached to the low-hanging ceiling. The music was pretty rocking too (a song called "The Climb" was particularly memorable), and I made a note to add them to my ever-growing list of watched bands. The crowed went wild for these guys, and since there was not enough room for dancing anymore, we had kind of a static overstuffed mosh-pit that most closely resembled the garbage compactor from that scene in Star Wars. I had never gotten so pushed around, not even at MCR, or at the O.A.R. Spring Fling show. I probably should have left my headband at home, as I almost lost it several times. At one point I literally imagined I was underwater. But it was great fun. Doug crowd surfed over us and I touched his arm. They're on the way to being much bigger.


Bayside came on at last, blasting into the froward-surging crowd with "They're Not Horses, They're Unicorns." They were a very chatty and grateful band onstage, which is almost mandatory in a venue that small. Singer Anthony Raneri mentioned that they had played in Boston every time they toured, and that they had played the Middle East a few times, but only on the small auxiliary stage "Upstairs." They had always wanted to play Downstairs, and now they finally were. They played a mix of tracks from their past three albums, especially this year's The Walking Wounded. "Duality," the hit single, and "Carry On," which they announced to be the next single, maintained the energetic vibe that had built during The Sleeping's set. Lead guitarist Jack O'Shea is skillful in a way that sets Bayside apart from some of the clone army of similar bands, and fortunately the mics were better coordinated so that both his parts and Anthony's spot-on vocals were clear. They played two or three songs from their first album which I don't own, and they sounded so young and fresh and punktastic. The maturity in the new tracks is audible, though. "Landing Feet First" was introduced as a heartfelt love song, and everyone swayed and sang along. The classics "Blame It On Bad Luck" and "Montauk" were injected with new life, and Anthony dedicated the triumphant "I and I" to all the other bands that had played before them. The finale was "The Walking Wounded," my favorite Bayside song, and to top it all off, they returned for an encore that included "Devotion and Desire," the signature hit from their self-titled sophomore disk. It was a fantastic crowd-rousing, almost shiver-inducing moment, when he let the crowd sing the buildup "You're not ready / you're not ready /Please, stop acting like you are." During the last round of chorus, the singers from ADTR and The Sleeeping sat on the top of the crowd, facing outward, and joined in the singing. It was a fantastic end to what truly seemed to be a label tour made of friends. Bayside is tight and approachable live, and I was glad they played such a chronologically diverse set. The only other song I really missed was "Dear Your Holiness," but you can't win them all. What a deal of a show night. Victory indeed.

Tomorrow I'm off to Lowell to see Brand New, Thrice, and mewithoutyou. Super whoot. And I'm posting comics again.

It's cold but skies are blue

This is just to say that I am feeling much better about things now. I had a wonderful, wonderful evening with Tom where we went out for sushi together, wandered around the Coop fantasizing about being acclaimed authors, and wasted time at CVS. Its is remarkable how the two of us are at such similar places in our lives right now, facing such similar fears, hopes, and uncertainties. We both talked about how being in Cambridge is so much fun, and that if we took time off it might be nice just to stay in the area and work rather than going to our respective hometowns, except for the whole sky-high rent part. But I'm feeling slightly less overwhelmed by everything even though I have A Lot Of Things To Do, especially for Japan and China. And this afternoon I am going to see my bone collection for the first time. Whoot!

I didn't end up going to the WFNX show. In retrospect I kind of wish I had, because I didn't use my time that well anyway, but the clincher for me was when I realized that the whole concert was from 6:30 to 8:00, at which time Jonathan Davis (of Korn) had his own show in the same venue. I was like, what now? I calculated Spoon would get half an hour, with twenty minutes apiece for CWK and Against Me!, when the other minor openers (Mute Math and the winner of the radio contest) are taken into account, not to mention the time for set changes...yeah, that is an entirely different kind of beast, and not a $30 one. If I'd gone I would have felt kind of gipped that my party got curtailed by Jonathan Davis, who is forever on my black list for calling MCR a "gay ass emo band." Which they totally are, but I don't think he meant it in the endearing sense with which I might use it. Adults who use "gay" derogatorily should not be given microphones.

I am going to Bayside tonight though. Alone, but that doesn't matter - it's at a local club, early, and I can fend for myself at a concert. I had mentioned it to a couple others and Chris really liked the idea, but the tickets were sold out by the time he got around to getting them. I'm glad I snatched one up last weekend. Everything I've heard says they put on a great show. Will report later.

All things reconsidered

It's shocking when you realize that you know so little that it's impossible to ever catch up.

It's going to be one of those days when I change my position about my career again. Our lab meeting today completely discouraged me, both from the field of residue analysis which is basically more money than it's worth for the quality of data you can get, and from anything in biogeochemical archaeology in general. Call it My Chemical Ignorance. I just don't know things. I don't know them. Why does Noreen think I can learn science? I am light years behind where everyone else was when they were first years. Anyone can learn to use a mass spectometer, but if you have too look up on Google what a mass spectrometer is, exactly, you're on a different plane altogether. What's a functionalized compound? What's a fractionation pattern? How should I know? GAH.

I majored in regular archaeology, with a rather art historical thesis to boot. Most of these kids double majored in chemistry. Do I want to do regular, field archaeology? Well, not really. But it's all I know how to do, in theory, though in practice I am abysmal at the nuts and bolts.

I've been down all morning because of this shocking wakeup call. Just because I'm no longer depressed all the time does not mean I'm doing the right thing with my life after all. I might not need to leave school next year because I'm on the verge of total nervous collapse, but I might just want to leave because I really am trying to be someone I'm not. I've felt this way for years I think. Years. I'm bummed out.

Chris had a conflict arise and now can't make the Orpheum show tonight. Ordinarily I would totally go anyway, with or without a buddy. But I have two more concerts I've already bought tickets for this week, and I'm so tired today, I'm thinking I should take a rain check. We didn't get advance tickets, so I don't lose anything by just not going. It's too bad, because this is a great opportunity (Spoon! CWK! Against Me!!) but I'll just have to see how I feel at the time.

I'd love to go if I didn't already have such a heavy schedule. In this case it's about time and energy, not money. After all, the more work I get done now, the better Christmas will be. Then again, if I decide to quit school, maybe it's more important that I use my time in Boston to live the scene instead of holed up with a bundle of .pdf files and a headache.

On the plus side, I feel like since my default state is no longer set to "misery," my feelings about school, jobs, and everything else hold a lot more water. Before, it was as though everything was covered with mud. Now the mud is gone, and it's much easier to tell what is attractive and what is not. It's possible now to separate the bad days from the good days and figure out what went wrong and what makes me happy. I should not take that for granted.

Let it snow!

Well, it finally happened. Boston got our first snow. Unfortunately it is being followed by a light rain that turns the ground to icky slush, but the little white trimmings on the rooftops and cars are a welcome holiday addition.

This week is going to be concert week. I've been planning to go to Brand New for months now, which is on Sunday, but between now and then, I have two more shows that just came up! I got invited to the WFNX Miracle On Tremont Street, with Spoon, Cold War Kids, and Against Me!, which happens tomorrow evening at the Orpheum. I hadn't listened too much to Spoon or the Cold War Kids outside of the hits, but I picked up some of their stuff and it's sure solid. And Against Me! is just plain awesome. I love seeing three great bands for $30. Then there is Bayside, coming to the Middle East on Thursday. I just got into them and I've heard I need to go to the Middle East at some point (it's so close!), and the tickets were a steal because I went right to the venue and bypassed service charges. And then, the grand finale, BRAND NEW! I adore them.

I'm making decent progress on the schoolwork the week has thrown at me. I still procrastinate a lot, but I've managed to get a headstart on ome winter research papers and keep up with the lecture readings. Yesterday I went to the NaNo TGIO party and met up with April, Aly, and Mary Anne. I won a new flash drive in the door prize drawing, which is exactly what I needed! It's black and pink too. :) NaNo is something I hope to make a tradition in my life. I haven't really done too much editing yet for Bodies In Flight, but I already have two more ideas. One is the archaeological mystery story I dreamed up a couple summers ago, which would definitely be a YA thing. The other is about werecats, inspired, I think, by the prospects of living with a giant cat next year if Emma gets everything she wants. It's amazing how different the ideas I produce are when I'm no longer miserable. Yeah, I'm still twelve, but at least I'm not twelve and depressed.

There are a couple new additions to my Christmas list. The link on the right was down but it should work now; if not, just scroll back a few entries. And I'll try to get some holiday comics up soon.